When auctions go awry and tempers flair, proper etiquette can get thrown out the window, and evenly administered feedback with it. As a matter of courtesy, why not give fellow users a chance to right their transgressions before resorting to negative feedback? That's recommended by eBay's feedback rules, and also consistent with basic fairness.

Several eBay users suggested this measured approach in response to an unlucky eBay buyer who got caught on the wrong end of a pair of smokey, used boots.

I just purchased some boots for my son that smell horrendously like smoke! It was not mentioned in the description that they would come from a smoke-free home, so I don't feel like a negative rating would be fair. Yet, I want to indicate that I could not even use the boots because they smelled so much of smoke. I tried every way possible to get rid of the smell, but ended up tossing them in the trash. Is it fair to leave a neutral rating, indicating what happened and why?
--love twins

What to do? Before leaving a negative, contact the seller and give him or her an opportunity to right the situation with a rebate or refund. After all, why damage a seller's feedback rating before you have all the facts. That's what happened to one of the thread's participants, who got involved in another smokey situation. Forgetting her brother-in-law was a smoker, she auctioned one of his old jackets that was in storage. The buyer gave her an immediate neutral without contacting her, though she would have refunded the person's money, including shipping. With the negative on file, she now worries that buyers think all her items smell like smoke.

Other views? The buyer should reward the seller with a positive rating if a refund is granted. A neutral or negative should be posted, if the seller practices his own form of pathetic etiquette and does not respond. Finally, one participant said, "Smokers don't truly understand how repulsive the smell of nicotine is to non-smokers." Only non-smokers know that. With that in mind, it's the buyer's responsibility to ask if an item comes from a smoke-free house before bidding.

Not such a cut-and-dry situation, after all.

With Friends Like These
Here's another touchy situation that highlights the sometimes blurry line between proper and improper online auction etiquette, involving that consistently thorny subject--sniping.

I just found an item on eBay that I really like, but I recognize the bidding ID of my best friend as the only bidder so far. Should I back off and let him have it, or snipe him in the last five seconds?
--TYK

This would-be sniper couldn't find anyone on eBay's message boards to assuage her guilt. What she got was some practical advice. The consensus: Items appear again and again on eBay, but friends and acquaintances don't come back so easily once they feel they've been wronged. If a friend is experienced in the ways of online auctioning and appreciates the thrill of competition, go for the snipe. If the friend-turned-prey is a newbie, who might misunderstand what has happened, think twice about the snipe. If there's something out there that's worth the price of a friendship, we'd like to see it.

You always could try this user suggestion, too: "Snipe him, and then if you feel really bad about it, give it to him as a present."

Next Page | Letting others learn from you...